ticking under overgrowth, ancient and counting
down deep in the tropics until at last a certain
heavenly alignment triggers doomsday, what then?

To think nothing might feel good for a time, the way
walking can, just moving around, turning
right whenever you happen to, heading along

toward nowhere in particular, getting there almost
without really trying or memory of where
you started out from, much less how you'll ever get back.

I don't want to have to. I don't want to have to
locate divinity in a loaf of bread, in a sparkler,
or in the rain-like sound the wind makes through

mulberry trees, not tonight. Listen to them carry on
about gentleness when it's inconceivable
that any kind or amount of it will ever be able to

balance the scales. I have been held down
by the throat and terrified, numb enough to know.
The temperature at which no bird can thrive

a childhood feeling that I feel now, remembering
down the highway half-hypnotized in the
backseat feeling what I feel now, and moderate

happiness has nothing to do with it: I want to press
my face against the cold black window until
there is a deity whose only purpose is to stop this.